I smoke. Here in Queensland it’s pretty much illegal to smoke within 200 yards of civilisation. Which is very annoying.

I was having a quiet cigarette this morning when some fool came out and said “You can’t smoke here, mate.”

My response…

“I clearly CAN smoke here, mate. Because I am. If you really mean to say that you’d like me not to, then you can ask me nicely. Otherwise…. fuck off.”

He fucked off.

Note: This approach tends to work best if you’re 6 feet tall, have a shaved head and a come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough look in your eyes.